"I HAD DISCOVERED THE 'ANSWER' TO ALL MY PROBLEMS... SUDDENLY I FELT SMARTER, SEXIER, FUNNIER. I COULD WALK INTO A CLUB COLD SOBER, FEELING AWKWARD AND ALIEN, DO A BUMP IN THE BATHROOM - AND THEN SPIN OUT OF THE STALL LIKE WONDER WOMAN." - Kevin Koffler, POZ magazine

Imagine a dance club where the air is dark and sinister. A discordant noise, like a convoy of cement trucks, blasts away at your eardrums as the aloof, detached crowd avoids eye contact, glancing at each other only to glare with empty, cold eyes and clenched jaws. There is no love, no laughter, no uplifting dance vibe; just grinding, dense negativity...

This is the disturbing reality of the epidemic of crystal meth abuse that has afflicted much of North America's gay dance scene since the dawn of the new Millennium, tearing the heart out of communities already devastated by AIDS. And like AIDS before it, this progressive - and potentially fatal - "plague" has swept like a tidal wave from Los Angeles, San Francisco and Seattle on the West Coast, through Atlanta, Chicago and Washington, and on to Miami, Boston and New York City on the East. Crystal is already decimating the Canadian gay dance scene, and its relentless, ruthless, virus-like spread eastward now casts a shadow over London and the rest of Europe.

It is in many of the larger dance clubs of the major American cities and on the party "circuit" - lavish, hedonistic and increasingly decadent all-male dance events held throughout the States - where crystal's pernicious influence is most evident. With the arrival of Viagra, party-goers have flocked to crystal from 'fun drugs' like ecstasy in vast numbers, enabling them to start the night with a buzz and to stay awake, alert and "hungry" for sex.

Crystal's widespread infiltration into the American gay dance scene has exacted a devastating toll on literally thousands of party-goers who automatically follow the herd to keep up to date with the latest trends - including drugs - resulting in a frightening change in the direction establishments populated by crystal abusers have taken.

Nowhere is the speed and ruthlessness of crystal's spread more evident than in the Big Apple. Fuelled by Viagra, crystal has quickly replaced cocaine and ecstasy as the party/sex drug of choice among gay men in New York City. Over the last 18 months alone in several of the city's premier gay nightclubs, swelling numbers of crystal users have become abusers. Once fresh, vibrant faces have become etched with anger and anxiety, their outward anti-social displays of ego and power play compensating for their internal feelings of paranoia, agitation, insecurity, inadequacy, anxiety and sexual tension, turning the venues palpably darker and more hostile by the week.

Instead of tackling the problem head on and making crystal use untenable on their premises by encouraging a positive ambience, Manhattan's major gay dance clubs are typical of many across the States to have adapted to the new drug of choice, and the negative mindset that accompanies it.

"Feel good" music - encompassing everything from Mozart to funky house - is scientifically proven to act on the individual's unconscious to stimulate receptivity and perception, helping to co-ordinate breathing, cardiovascular and brain wave rhythm, each essential for positive health. Conversely, dark, "soulless" forms of music, like Gangsta Rap and Marilyn Manson, are known to induce negative psychological and emotional responses in people, which worsen the more insecure a person is.

Experiments at Cambridge University in England recently revealed that mice fed with methamphetamine and subjected to negative forms of music like The Prodigy suffered longer and more severe side effects than those administered meth in silence, and it is one such sound that has emerged to become the dominant force across much of the North American gay party scene...

DJs, as an unspoken rule, follow the energy of the crowd, adjusting the vibe of the music to suit the mood of their audience, sometimes 'lifting' them with an up-tempo track when the ambience starts to falter. In crystal-swamped environments DJs are known to start the night with uplifting tracks as the crystal users peak, then rapidly descending into a disharmonious, bass-heavy, dark tribal sound dubbed "pots and pans" as the crystal abusers in the crowd start to crash, prematurely triggering others to crash like a chain reaction.

In recent years DJs at major gay venues in the US have been accorded near Hollywood-like status, amassing audiences who follow them like sheep from party to party, regardless of the actual music they play. Clubs and parties book them on their names alone and allow them to dictate what they want to play, giving them a sense of power that a few now appear to be blatantly abusing. And because they are performing longer and longer sets, sometimes lasting 12 hours or more, a minority of DJs on the gay dance circuit are even known to spin while under the influence of crystal in order to stay awake and focused.

Such DJs, instead of following the audience, lead their herds on their own dark mind trips via their turntables - effectively mentally assaulting them when their mood swings are particularly violent - regardless of whether or not the crowd is predominantly high on crystal, bringing their entire environment crashing down with them.

Just 18 months ago, New York City's major gay dance clubs were still alive with people dancing and raising their spirits to percussion-heavy yet uplifting dance anthems and tribal rhythms. Today the same venues often resemble a swirling, dense 'no-man's land' driven by the crystal abuse and the hand-in-hand pots and pans sound.

In an environment where the mindset of the patrons is uniformly positive, the music can become very dark yet remain danceable because the energy of the crowd transcends the music. But in one where the air is fragile with insecure egos, dark music's negative edge is amplified and serves only to pull the energy down, draining the atmosphere of positivity and rendering it tired, listless and sinister.

Detached from their positive emotions, the crystal crowd sways and grinds in a zombie-like, hollow-eyed state to mind-numbing pots and pans, the negativity of the music feeding their paranoia still further. Even the occasional vocal track these days seemingly serves merely to reinforce their crystal dependency; the recent I'm Addicted, for example, provocatively repeats its title mantra-like, over and over. In such an environment the bedlam of pots and pans' heavy, dull beat dims the minds of all those present, making it easier to persuade a non-user to try crystal on the basis that "everybody is doing it".

It is not just in the clubs but also in some of Manhattan's popular gay meeting places - restaurants, cafes and gyms - that the hostile vibes and acidic glares of crystal abuse is also being felt. In just 18 months an epidemic of crystal addiction has cut a vast, soul-destroying swathe through the city's gay district, Chelsea, draining it of much of its energy and vitality and threatening to turn it in on itself, as it did to the gay community of West Hollywood before it.

Meanwhile, the New York City section of internet sex sites like Men 4 Men is frequented by "tweakers" constantly on-line in search of "raw" sex, while the appointment last January of the liberal Michael Bloomberg as Mayor of Manhattan has seen an easing in the regulations governing private sex clubs, resulting in a return to the "good ol' days" of unrestricted sexual encounters with like-minded strangers (the city's Westside Club sauna is cited as Manhattan's main breeding ground for crystal-induced HIV infection).

A 2001 survey by the Center for HIV/AIDS Education Studies and Training found that more than half of gay male New Yorkers who use alcohol or drugs had tried meth in the previous year - up from 10% in 1998 - while between May 2001 and May 2002 Manhattan's CMA meetings exploded from one a week to eight, with attendance quadrupling from 15 to as many as 60 per class. "Suicide Tuesday" is the most popular meeting, overflowing with users recovering from the previous weekend.

New York City is typical of the hold crystal has taken in all major cities in America that are home to large gay communities - particularly those with "ghettos" like Chelsea, West Hollywood, South Beach in Miami and the Castro in San Francisco - and is a stark warning of what will surely happen to major cities in Europe and Australia within as little as three years if methamphetamine is allowed to flourish there.

Circuit-goers, too, note with increasing despair the palpably fatalistic vibe now permeating their events as Viagra and her twisted sister, Tina, strengthen their destructive bond. In late 2001 it was reported that 43% of circuit-goers in the States "partied" on crystal meth, but that figure is expected to have escalated considerably by the end of 2002.

Only a few short years ago circuit parties were escapist havens for gay men, brimming with ecstasy-induced fun and love and with a sizeable but acceptable emphasis on sex. Today some, though by no means all, are rapidly being transformed into dark, tense stalking grounds by "tweakers" who travel from party to party with endless supplies of crystal meth and Viagra.

Recalling a recent trip to Europe in the summer issue of circuit 'bible' Circuit Noize, editor Steve Kammon lamented the change: "I felt like I'd been transported back to a happier time. People were really grooving on the music, dancing with abandon, and their faces were almost uniformly smiling - there was a really up, positive vibe… How different it seemed from so many of the all-night parties I'd been to this past year in Miami, Los Angeles and New York."

For all the negative press, in its Nineties heyday ecstasy connected people with their feelings, erased their barriers and, ultimately, brought them together in joy. Crystal is ecstasy's complete antithesis, spawning an ugly new breed of insecure, sexually intense party-goer, transforming once uplifting dance environments into hostile battlegrounds of testosterone and human growth hormone-fuelled masculinity. Ego and power play has always been an unfortunate mainstay of gay clubbing culture, not least in the US, but are fast becoming the dominant force.

Ecstasy users and others out for a fun time cannot express themselves in environments poisoned by crystal. Their laughter and exchanges of affection are invariably met with bitter, resentful looks and even abuse from the tweakers, and the ensuing negativity forces them to leave. Ultimately they either stop partying altogether or are assimilated into the crystal herd, thereby perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

The cost of ecstasy in the States - typically $20-30 a pill - is seen as a key factor for people switching to crystal, particularly as the strength is usually poor and can vary considerably from pill to pill. Some have even become addicted to crystal via pills sold as ecstasy but which contain mostly methamphetamine.

In a remarkably short time, crystal has become culturally accepted and generally regarded as an integral element of the US gay party scene. Indeed, crystal use is now so endemic and integrated into the fabric of US gay culture that a genuine fear exists among users and abusers alike that stopping using the drug will leave them isolated and adrift from the 'action'.

It is this mentality that has prevented users from speaking out against the dangers of the drug and which has allowed crystal to flourish unchecked, resulting in an epidemic that is steadily approaching AIDS as the number one killer of gay men in the States. The US gay party scene is, effectively, in denial, even though seemingly everyone on the dance circuit knows of at least one serious casualty of crystal abuse, while more and more are learning to come to terms with the death of a friend as a consequence of their addiction.

Americans who visit Europe and Australia are generally taken aback by the openness, friendliness and upbeat ambience that pervades the largely crystal-free clubs there. "Why can't our parties be like yours?" is a common refrain posed by often humbled American visitors to the London club scene, who then proceed to return home and slip back in to the herd-like mentality that is giving the US promoters and DJs such a free agenda to control their crowds as they see fit.

Viagra may have fuelled the rampant spread of crystal meth across America but many club and circuit promoters, and the DJs they book, have - presumably unwittingly - fanned its flames. They need to recognize their duty in placing the physical safety and mental well-being of their customers ahead of their profits. It is no longer acceptable for promoters to effectively be condoning the presence of this silent killer at their events by leaving its use on their premises unchecked.

Many club owners and party organizers implement a zero-tolerance policy toward GHB; a "feel good" drug which, taken safely, has no lasting detrimental affect. However, if overdosed GHB rapidly sends a person into a deep but sound sleep, and if consumed in significant quantities with alcohol and other drugs can kill. No doubt the unwholesome prospect of on-site paramedics tending to unconscious customers prompted this clampdown, yet many others who have become addicted to crystal at the same venues are suffering unimaginably painfully, out-of-sight and out-of-mind. In 2000 there were approximately 20 GHB-related deaths across North America. In the same year there were 29 crystal-related deaths in San Francisco alone.

Such American club owners and circuit party promoters wield the resources to:

• Issue the full facts of the consequences of crystal meth addiction to their patrons at entry points
• Clamp down on their DJs' darkening playlists
• Stamp out the anti-social behavior that is pervading their venues

American party-goers, for their part, need to re-empower themselves and tell the club and party promoters what they want in return for their often extravagantly-priced entry fee. Paying customers have a right to know what is being done to ensure their safety and well-being at clubs and parties, and about the measures that the promoters should be implementing warning of the dangers of crystal meth and preventing its use on their premises.

If the club and party promoters do not wake up now and respond positively to this major crisis that is hurtling out of control on their own doorstep, then crystal will end up hurting them too - in the pocket - as non-users stay away, more and more users stay at home bingeing all weekend long, and others are debilitated or, at worse dead, their wasted bodies waiting to be found.

California stands as testimony to the dark, destructive toll of crystal abuse. Los Angeles may be America's largest city, yet its gay dance scene has long been devoid of a direction; a wilderness compared to, say, London's world class, progressive scene. The city's gay club scene is almost exclusively geared around crystal - none of its major clubs now open before 3am -while nearby Palm Springs has become a haven for crystal abusers, with many of its gay guest houses openly advertising "Bareback Weekends".

Such is the legacy of Tina; an out of control vampire that has been feeding off the spirit of several generations of West Hollywood's inhabitants, and is now thirstily devouring gay communities across the States and Canada.

Europe has yet to awaken to the full horror of crystal abuse. It is a sobering thought that many drawn to its thriving club scene are crystal addicts waiting to happen. Unlike the lightning spread of AIDS in the Eighties, however, crystal can be prevented from taking hold in Europe and elsewhere if the lessons of Los Angeles, San Francisco, Miami's South Beach and New York City are heeded.

Crystal already has a limited though expanding foothold in several European capitals and has even surfaced in Ibiza, but is still restricted mainly to holiday supplies brought over by American tourists. But week by week there is increasing evidence that Tina is silently spinning her insidious web further into London's gay clubland; crystal's major entry point into Europe. The major circuit DJ Manny Lehman, who is used to playing in venues afflicted by crystal abuse, was recently booked to appear at London's Heaven, while a week earlier the popular early morning South London club, Beyond, changed its music policy to dark and hard.

The Australian party scene too, and Sydney's in particular, has a fast-growing crystal problem. As well as being a holiday destination popular with Californians, crystal is produced domestically in the dry climate of Adelaide in South Australia, where drug laws are some of the most relaxed in the world, making it cheap and easily accessible. To quote one Sydney-sider: "There's a shit load of crystal around."

Many gay men, drawn to the escapism of the gay dance scene after a lifetime of being 'conditioned' by their environment into feeling ashamed, inadequate and fragmented from society, have been playing Russian Roulette with their lives for years, jeopardizing their health in order to conform to a perceived, so-called gay aesthetic and social ideal.

Until we understand the reasons behind the impulses that drive us to indulge in such self-destructive modes of behavior, and why we choose to project our internalized homophobia onto others - be it in the clubs, cafes, gyms, wherever - we will never shake free the shackles with which we allow mainstream society's narrow-minded, ignorant, views to imprison us.

Unless we say no NOW, then the horror that is crystal abuse will, like AIDS before it, play into society's hands, providing a weapon for them to attack us with while we continue to tear ourselves apart. It is, of course, down to individual choice whether or not we allow crystal to snuff out our light, control us and provide another weapon for our fast-track self-annihilation.

Or we can reject this cancer in favor of the very thing that crystal seeks to detach us from: love and respect, of ourselves and others...